My Kids are Gross.

Conversation during bath time tonight-

SJ&YP: Don't put the bathwater in your mouth. That is gross.

Littlest: Why? *giggles and drinks some more*

SJ&YP: Remember how you pooped right before you got in the tub? What if there were still poop germs on your butt? Then the poop germs are in the bathwater and the bathwater is in your mouth. You now have poop germs in your mouth.

Biggest: GROSS.

Littlest: Yum! *drinks some more*

*sigh*

It is time I face it, as all parents must eventually. My beautiful, little angels are gross.  It is often like raising Garbage Pail Kids.  My kids are completely disgusting and usually quite proud of it. Tonight’s bath time conversation with Littlest says it all. 

Don’t let Biggest fool you with her comment above.  This is the same child who licked a tire on my car one day after leaving daycare.  No reason.  She just looked at me, looked at the tire, and then licked it.  Like it was a big ole bomb pop.  This was also the same child who ate dog food.  Constantly.  She loved it.  Thank God we bought the “high quality” dog food with less fillers.  Nothing like letting your kid eat questionable animal feeding products, possibly made from horsemeat.

I think all parent come to this realization at some point in time.  We find ourselves watching our babies devour pizza coated in blueberry applesauce.  Our little angels will incessantly lick at the snot rocket leaving their nose instead of blowing it on a Kleenex.  The things they touch, put in their mouths, rub on others, stuff up their noses, etc. are enough to make even the most chill parent cringe at some point in time. 

So what am I going to do about it?  Truthfully, nothing.  There is nothing you can do. I will do what I have always done.  Try to teach them the proper way to behave and get a new water bottle whenever they drink out of mine. (SJ&YP note:  Yes, I do that.  I have seen the floaters.  It is nasty)  Eventually, they will learn to stop their coarse behaviors and act like the little ladies we are trying to raise.  Of course, by that time I will have an arsenal of stories and photos of my little budding fashionistas which I can show what I know will be a steady stream of prom dates, boyfriends and eventually spouses. 

Good luck, Biggest and Littlest.  Remember, you brought this on yourself.